We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
