Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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