I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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