True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
