i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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