It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
