hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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