I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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