my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The adults are the big ones right?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
