i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
