any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
