She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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