my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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