I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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