ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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