Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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