It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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