I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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