Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
