I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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