I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
