Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
