I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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