Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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