I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
