9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
