I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
