hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
