Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
