and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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