the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
