I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
