i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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