come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
