Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
