I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
