areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
