dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
