Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
