I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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