Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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