you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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