Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
