Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
