Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
