Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
