I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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