So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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