I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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