I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
