As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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