I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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